Top 10 Tuesday

Hello. I hope you're keepin' on keepin' on, unlike the birds I've had in my freezer this past week. Upon writing this blog, I've noticed that a lot of my top ten consists of people being kind to me. Kindness is such an important thing. So necessary. It could be a life-saver and a moment-saver. It is the best thing a human can achieve. I just want to let the appropriate people know (even if you're not in this list) that I deeply appreciate you and think about you more than you know. Let's get started, shall we?

1. Dead Birds--So, over the past two week, I have had two dead-bird encounters. One day, I am walking my little Cosmo pup in the alley near my home. We came upon a beautifully dead starling. One of my favorite birds. If you know Sarah well, you know that she often likes to sit in parking lots and watch them murmurate during the twilight hours. Anyway, I serendipitously collected the carcass on the same day that I was meeting my friend Jeannette who said she would bury the body for me. So, into my purse the bird went. And to Panera the little carcass and I went. It was quite the little ceremony watching Jeannette pull the wrapped carcass out of my purse. I had thrown in some dried everlastings with the carcass. They are a favorite flower, but not the favorite flower of mine. Here is the beautiful bird with its beak and eye open in mortis and its chest dappled in hearts.

The very next day before I get home from work, I get a text from my friend Mandi who also lives in the apartment above me. IT is a picture of a dead dove and she captioned it, "Does this belong to you?" I pull up in front of my apartment and see a small, feathered carcass right near my door step. I was kind of devastated. I picked it up immediately and looked around to see if its mate was nearby. Doves are usually in pairs. Mandi poked her head from the second-story window. I was crying. At first I had figured that it had flown into a window and broken its neck. But when I took it inside to investigate further, I noticed a puncture wound on its breast. It was bleeding from its mouth. A cat could have killed it.

It is now in my freezer.

2. Jeannette--I am a woman of very few friends. And that is okay considering that I am by nature a lonely sort. I won't tell you the weird story about how she and I met, but we did and I am glad for it. She is the friend who met with me in Panera and removed a dead starling from my purse so that she could bury it in her yard. She is the friend who marvels at maggots on dead carcasses on the side of the road with me. She is the friend who knits me a hat in the likening of my favorite flower, the Indian Pipe. She is the friend who indulges in the dark-side with me. She is the first person I text when I find skulls, porcupine quills, or think about murder. She is a creator. An artist. A writer. A mother. A wife. A bold daughter. An exuberant chicken-raiser. A bread-maker. A spider-witch. A jam-maker. A homesteader. A beautiful, wonderful, marvelous woman. I am so grateful that she is alive, that she has fought to be alive, and that so many people love her.

3. Sunset hike with Silas--I have been incredibly busy and overwhelmed lately. Kind of sad here and there, like most people at this time of the year. I don't want to say that I am unmotivated because at least I am doing things. But those who know me well know that I hike with my dog at least three times a week. But I have been exhausted and emotionally drained for about a month now and hikes have been less and less. It was nice last week, though, when I pushed all the anxiety aside and took a hike with Silas. Over the years, it has been a privilege to hike the same ole' places time and time again to the point of familiarity and knowing their different moods and makeup through the seasons. We came upon a field that just three months ago was a field of cosmos but is now a bare field of snow. Silas loves the snow. It is not my favorite, but I embrace it. Also, there was a gorgeous sunset. We didn't hike a far distance because of all the stopping and looking and admiring. But which is more important? The distance or the wonder?

4. A Card from Liz--I used to be a pretty disciplined letter-writer. I haven't done it in a while because I somehow lost addresses and I became busy with being outside all the time. Anyway, I have been carrying something important with me for several weeks now--a card from my friend Liz. Receiving it in the mail was quite the surprise considering it was November--not near a major holiday or my birthday. It was a random "thinking about you" card but what was written in it was exactly what I needed, I guess. A reminder that I'm not a very terrible person and a reminder that the things that we choose to do with our time must be exactly what we want to do with our time. And that is enough.

I will be writing more letters soon.

5. Hearing from a former professor--I was a graduate student at Chatham University where I received my MFA in writing and publishing. I took an independent publishing class that was a very rewarding experience; however, in the long run, I was just another student in this class that this professor taught so many dozens of times probably. I was just another student floating through. And now I am a student who hasn't really done anything lucrative with that degree besides being an adjunct English instructor with no benefits for a few years. But that's my own fault. Anyway, this professor recently contacted me via social media and said some very kind words. Here I am, some woman out in the boonies compared to the culture and talent that surrounds him, and he thought about me and said those kind words. I really appreciated and needed that.

6. Brian--As I've mentioned, I've been having a difficult time lately. I'm managing my emotions okay enough when I need to be, but I'm noticing a lot of crying when I'm finally by myself. Getting into my car. Closing myself away into an empty room. In the shower. Coming home to my dogs. But sometimes I'm not by myself; sometimes Brian is there. And when I say "there", I really mean it. And wow do I appreciate it. After having dated men who literally gas-lighted me or walked out the door when I was down or desperate, I am so grateful that he holds onto me and depending on the severity of the situation, will just hold me quietly or tell me a terrible dad joke.

7. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse--I gravitated toward this book when I was in a book store last week. I impulsively purchased it and do not regret it. If you loved Antoine Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince", you will love this book. That's all I'm going to say.

8. The Franklin Institute--I went to Philadelphia this past weekend to visit some friends with Brian. Other than attending the Philly Cheesesteak Festival last year, this was my first real visit to Philly. We went to the planetarium, learned about trains, learned about machinery, etc. It was geared more towards children (reminded me of the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh), but it was pretty fun.

9. Christmas Village--I also attended the Christmas Village in Philadelphia. We ate bratwurst with sauerkraut. I bought some gifts and enjoyed petting all kinds of dogs.

10. Mountain Top--After we left Philadelphia, we headed north to Mountain Top, Pennsylvania, to visit with Brian's family for a little while. I played games with my niece and did some things for work. When there, I was talking to Brian's mom about how I'm working on my bucket list for 2020. She mentioned the idea of making a temperature blanket--where you designate a specific color of yarn to a certain span of temperature. For every single day, you take the high temperature of that day and crochet a row. By the end of the year, you have 365 rows with colors correlating with what the temperature was. I thought that was an awesome idea.

But will I do it? BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA